Day 40 - Almost a day off in SLC
Today I thought that I was going to die. It’s the first time this has happened on the trip. Mandy and Earl were leading me to Orem, where the Scooter Lounge is and where my scooter is getting a check over, new tires, new oil, new belt and rollers.
We were on Utah Route 201, which is much like an interstate when “all of a sudden” Mandy swerves like mad, barely missing this white tarps with chunks of wood all around it.
I had about a second to react, which is not enough time to do anything but say an extremely short prayer and hope for the best.
I hit the tarp head on, rolling over the chunks of wood (possibly 2X4’s and some plywood). I figured that the best possible outcome would be laying it down. The worse would be flying over the handlebars.
Thankfully, neither of those happened. I hit it and it bumped me around a bit. I was able to maintain control and then it was over, just like that.
My heart was racing, my blood was pumping and the adrenaline was coursing through me. But I had to keep myself together because I was going about 70mph.
That all passed and, while it was amazingly scary, I survived. The only damage was to my side stand’s springs which were somehow ripped off the scooter.
45 miles later and we were in Orem at the scooter shop. Dave, the guy I’ve been talking to, wasn’t there, but a few really great folks were and I felt more than happy to give them my business. I’ll be picking the scooter up in about a week.
After such things and the ride back, we stopped at Long Life Veggie House. It’s a mostly vegetarian Chinese place in Salt Lake City. It really reminds me of the place in Berkeley. They may even be owned by the same folks.
I got Veggie Beef and Tofu and it was, of course, amazing.
From there, we had to head over to near the airport so that I could pick up my rental car for the week I’m spending with Sarah, heading to the Spiral Jetty and down to Albuquerque, NM.
I requested a small car, the smallest possible. What I got, however, was anything but small. It was a 2008 White PT Cruiser.
If you were to ask me what my least favorite new car is, I would say PT Cruiser. Yes, it even beats out the unbelievably moronic Hummer. It, somehow, even beats out whatever this thing is.
Simply put, I hate and have always hated PT Cruisers. They scream boring mid-life crisis. If you’re going through a mid-life crisis and you just can’t convince yourself to get a new Mustang, fix your comb-over and get yourself a PT Cruiser!
Worst of all… it’s white, quite possibly the ugliest car color ever (unless you’re talking about a Volkswagen). But you’re probably not, so yes, it’s hideously ugly.
Even worse than that (yes, even worse than “worst of all”) is that it gets about 25mpg. See, I asked for a small car because I wanted to get 35ish mpg. But no. I’m handed the keys to the crapmobile. This car is a joke.
I thought maybe I’d sort of be ok with the interior once I took it for a spin. No. The interior is just cheap plastic and honestly looks really shoddy. If I were to get drunk, have a lobotomy and buy a PT Cruiser, I’d feel extremely ripped off by the interior alone.
And on the passenger side, there’s this… handle. Why? Seriously… WHY?! It doesn’t really do anything. Is it supposed to look cool? Well, it doesn’t. It’s cheap plastic crap, just like the rest of the interior.
Oh, and to lock the thing, you have to push a little button on the key. Ok, fine. But in order to let you know it’s locked, it honks very loudly so that everyone knows you’re the douche bag with the PT Cruiser.
Sorry folks, it’s the worst car ever invented. Ever.
Right now, I’m waiting for Sarah to call so that I can go pick her up at the Amtrak station in the world’s more embarrassing car.
Miles today: 45
Miles total: 5,981
17 responses so far
I guess you dont like cars…. lol
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 12:58 am:
You know, I really don’t. I’m hoping to be car-less soon.
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Hey, who’s that dork in the white PT Cruiser? What you need is the front end flame kit http://www.byerscustom.com/images/PT%20Cruiser.JPG or maybe the vertical door kit http://www.body-kitz.com/contents/media/t_chrysler_pt_cruiser_20012004_promo.jpg or my very favorite 4×4 kit. Then you would be even cooler in your PT Cruiser!
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:00 am:
Ugh. I feel even worse about it today. I loathe this thing.
Could be worse.
Sorta
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:11 am:
Or…
http://jalopnik.com/395137/why-build-an-alien-pt-cruiser
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Michael reply on June 11th, 2008 8:12 am:
I think that giant hookah he’s puffing on explains it all. I’m not at all convinced that he has tobacco in that thing.
Oops, here’s the 4×4 kit http://files.windingroad.com/newsuploads/2008/04/2001-pt-cruiser-4×4-hl.jpg
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:01 am:
Just… ew. I hate my life now that I know something this horrible is allowed to exist in the same reality that I live in.
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Hi Eric,
I’ve missed the last few hundred miles while you and I were at opposite ends of California. Too bad we didn’t get to meet up. The area we stayed in featured all sorts of kitsch surrounded by astonishing natural beauty–including Ostrich Land, a windmill shaped hotel and a restaurant named Pea Soup Andersens (According to Leo, the pea soup was “okay” but not “Okay!”)
I know how you feel about the PT Cruiser but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (Maybe you’re just being punished for mocking the people (I include myself) who sport socks and sandals. Is this the last acceptable prejudice?
Ride safely,
Marjorie
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:03 am:
Hi! I stayed longer in California than I thought I would. And I think I passed through or near the area where you two were, but about a week before. It is a shame.
Hmm.. the PT Cruiser will make me stronger? I hope it doesn’t give me the strength to not hate it.
The socks with sandals may very well be the last acceptable prejudice.
But I’m ok with that too.
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Way to go staying alive, big-E! Violent death would have been a most unpredictable way to end your trip. Excellent job keeping the rubber side down.
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:04 am:
I always like it when I don’t die on the road. Thanks for the support!
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SO glad you didn’t die!
But surely you like the PTC’s with the lovely fake wood paneling along the sides?
And, oh yeah… Socks and sandals forever!!!
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Eric reply on June 11th, 2008 1:05 am:
Hey thanks!
You’re right. I’m SO glad that I didn’t get the fake wood paneling one. White is bad, but fake wood…. just… no.
Yeah yeah yeah, socks and sandals. I should know that when I hang out with smart people and/or Hare Krishnas (smart Hare Krishnas, of course), I’m going to run into socks with sandals.
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Rati reply on June 12th, 2008 10:42 am:
I wear socks and sandals almost every day! (Of course you know that!) At least they’re vegan sandals…
The photos of the alien PTC’s made my day! I feel so much better about my life now. (Did you read the people’s comments? I liked the one about paneling.)
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Eric reply on June 14th, 2008 12:43 am:
The comments were wonderful. I’m glad people like that exist.
i wrote the article about PT cruisers that you linked to in the end of your story. thanks for linking to it. you know, i got a lot of shit from people about that story… a lot of shit from a lot of pro-cruiser people… it was nice to find that someone actually appreciated my hatred of this wretched piece of trash.
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