We had planned on leaving early for to see the redwoods, just north of here. But something caught the eye of Josh. He was reading my blog entry from yesterday and discovered Hulu.com. And from there, something incredibly magical happened.

He and we discovered….

Oh yes, Time Tunnel, starring Tony and Doug. Sure, yes, their names are unassuming and incredibly boring and white¹.²

Anyway, we were delightfully distracted by Time Tunnel. This was the episode where Tony and Doug got captured by aliens in the year 1883. It was amazing.

So that was our morning.

Finally, around 2pm or 3pm we got ourselves together, hopped in the 9th Street Limo that I had waiting for us and departed, first stopping at Whole Foods for some unwhole foods. We live for irony these days.

After vegan snack buying, we headed for the wilds of The Area Just North of Here. We were in search of the Big Tortoise. The Big Tortoise once terrorized Berkeley proper, but then fled, leaving a trail of death and destruction in its wake.

We ran through the briers and we ran through the brambles. We ran all the places where a rabbit wouldn’t go. But we did run through the places where the Big Tortoise would go.

Along the way, though the danger was great. We saw many creatures.

We perchanced to catch a quick glimpse of the wateraccoon. The wateraccoon is half raccoon and half fish. They dwell in the deepest, darkest parts of the forests in The Area Just North of Here. I was only able to capture the raccoon part of the wily wateraccoon. And even this was amazingly rare.

It was then that we spotted what we believed to be Big Tortoise. He was sitting on a log, unassuming. Some turtles aren’t bothered by anything. Even flying saucers. And there he was.

All I managed to capture was a blurry picture. This was horrible. We wanted so badly to not just capture a picture, but the Big Tortoise himself!

But all of a sudden a Great California Sky Whale swooped down from the heavens!

We cowered in fear! Josh and Cole ducked for the cover of the brambles. I picked up a large pointed stick to defend the cowering couple from almost imminent danger!

The Great California Sky Whale first attacked me with his dorsal fin, knocking me back several yards. I regained composure and struck his fluke³ and he let out a frightful bellow!

It was then that the Great California Sky Whale picked up Josh in his sharp teeth, and tossed him to and fro, eventually nearly impaling him on a nearby wooden fence that was built in 1903!

We all screamed! AH! And Cole, in her most daring display of heroinism yet, jumped into action! She grabbed the pointed stick from my hands and did battle with the Great California Sky Whale and the Big Tortoise. She was momentarily helped by the wateraccoon as he splashed his deadly water at the Great California Sky Whale. The Great California Sky Whale retreated as Cole chased him over the nearby hill to his super secret hideout - The Barn with Two Things on Top of It.

Oh what glory! With Josh and I nearly spent and defeated, Cole was the hero and the Great California Sky Whale would bother us no more! Huzzah! And huzzah again!

Here is the historical picture of the historic holy ground where the great battle was waged. It is considered one of the most sacred places in The Area Just North of Here. For it is here that the only victory in the great war against the Great California Sky Whale had been achieved.

It is here that three warriors stood/slumped victorious!

And they have renamed this sacred soil, which was once called The Area Just North of Here… Bear Valley! For what is more ferocious and mighty as a bear⁴? And what is more serene than a valley? Here, in this most serene of places, the great bear of a battle was waged and won, saving the good citizens of The Area Just North of Here.

Upon fully realizing our triumph, we were carried on the shoulder of small, furry creatures to the Forest of Endor where we were worshiped as god and the golden one told the story of our previous victory at the Battle of Yavin where we lost 90% of our fleet, but managed to evade their turbolasers to fire proton torpedoes into a two-meter wide exhaust port. Everyone said it was impossible, but it’s not. I used to shoot womp rats back home and they’re not much bigger than two meters.

This is all a vastly different story, so I digress.

Anyway, it was an incredibly lovely day. I even conquered a Great Stump on my way out of Endor.

We then went back to the 9th Street Limo for our journey back to Berkeleyland.

Upon the reaching of Berkeleyland, we watched the first five episodes of Flight of the Conchords and then took rest.

And you should take rest too.
Good night.

1. Sorry to anyone named Tony and/or Doug - but it’s true. I know it’s not your fault. It’s your parents’ fault for naming you Tony and/or Doug. But it’s true. [↩]
2. Oh, and for you parents out there who have named your children Tony and/or Doug - unless you’ve named them this in honor of the 60’s sci-fi TV show, Time Tunnel… shame on you! [↩]
3. Which is totally not even vegan. [↩]
4. Except, perhaps the Great California Sky Whale. [↩]