Category Archives: The Hing

It was easy to write for The Hing when I didn’t have all that much else to do. I started it as I was wrapping up the sale of my store. Then, when I was staying at New Vrndavana, the ideas and articles pretty much wrote themselves. I even had enough articles to cover the months when I was traveling around the country. When I returned to Pennsylvania, again, the articles came to me very easily.

But since moving to Seattle, life has been turned upsidedown. It’s a good thing in a lot of ways. I’m really really enjoying this place. But getting to a know a new city (and new coast) isn’t exactly conducive to writing.

I’ve had a few submissions and a few good ones that I’ll eventually use. But my own ideas have been few and far between. Something on the guru school would be nice, maybe on the TVP (because if you name something TVP, it deserves a good ripping), or perhaps something on the ISKCON constitution (though, you know, oh my god … boring!).

Then a couple of days ago, I started to work on a holidays “fluff” piece about a temple that got really into the Christmas spirit. The hook was going to be that they dressed their deities as Santa and Mrs. Claus.

I had some details worked out, a bit of a story line floating around in my head. And then I was sent this…

These aren't just Christmas outfits. These are full on Santa suits. The only thing missing is the beard (and, quite honestly, I'm disappointed that the cheesy, stick-on beard isn't there...).

One of the fun things about writing satire is that you often walk the thin line between fiction and reality. For instance, look how many devotees believed that a fallen ISKCON guru used his mad guru skillz to become a very nice used car salesman. I still get emails asking for more information about Ex-ISKCON guru, John O’Brien. While it’s a fiction piece, it’s close enough to our reality to make us think it’s possible, even probable (because it is).

But sometimes, and with increasing regularity, I’m seeing things in reality that should only happen in satire. What could and should be The Hing’s pages are springing to life all around ISKCON!

This makes it very difficult to write.

So simmer down, ISKCON! Get back to being just plain old weird. These ventures into the realm of “creepy,” “really creepy” and “ew, back off please” are my territory! You are stealing my stories and ideas. Stop that.

ISKCON, get out of my head!

Synthpop act DEVOtee Target of Envious False News Story

SIMI VALLEY, CA – Earlier this week, noted ISKCON historian, Bhakta Charlie, reported in his article “Meltdown… So What? on Sampradaya Sun, that he was aware of senior devotees, who, when “faced with the Y2K (year 2000) crisis/impending doom, went so far as to purchase rubber Radiation Suits.”

While the fact that senior devotees purchased radiation suits is undeniably true, also true are the allegations that Bhakta Charlie purposely failed to state that these senior Srila Prabhupada disciples actually bought the radiation suits to complete the costuming of their Krishna conscious Devo cover band.

Click here to read on…

Just a Few Seats Left for the Prajalpa Retreat in Youngstown, Ohio

YOUNGSTOWN – There are only a few spots open for the Prajalpa Retreat that will be taking place at the Econolodge Convention Room #2 in Youngstown,Ohio, October 20-26.

This retreat center is nestled deep within the city limits of Youngstown, far from the spiritual trivialities of a more natural surrounding.

The week-long seminar will focus upon living a true “fringie” lifestyle without the guilt commonly associated with leading a double-life.

Click here to read on…

New Hare Krishna Temple Opens Way the Hell Outside Town

ALBUQUERQUE, NM – This past week, the residents of the Hare Krishna temple vacated their three story building located in the busy heart of downtown. They have relocated forty-five minutes north, along the interstate off exit 154, between Pooja Imports Food Market and Patel Bazaar.

“It was becoming increasingly difficult to preach inside of a city with so many people,” relates Subhash Jeevanandam, temple president. “The philosophy is so nice that if you preach to them, they want to join up, they want to keep coming back. That becomes big, big expense.”

Click here to read on…

About a month ago, I posted about The Hing discontinuing on-site comments in favor of a PHPBB messageboard.

It was an experiment and honestly, it failed pretty miserably. It devolved into a mud-slinging bitch fest that was more embarrassing than it was offensive.

I didn’t feel the comments (how they used to be) were enough, but clearly a full message board is too much.

The Hing is based upon The Onion. The Onion doesn’t allow comments at all. For The Hing, however, I wanted there to be some sort of dialog. But, anymore, I’m not sure that’s possible or even a good idea.

Please don’t misunderstand me. Devotees, myself very much included, need a place on the internet where we can say what we like and not be censored or banned. However there are already a couple places that come to mind (Gaudia Repercussions, Pariprashnena, and others).

The Hing is a humor site. At least it tries to be. And I fully realize that with satire, you are dealing with specific real topics that are often times very serious and need to be discussed.

But I’m not sure that I can facilitate this discussion. Like I said, I’m not at all against discussing these things. I’m all for it, as should be obvious. But I’m certain that The Hing is not the place for this.

Let me tell you a story that has something to do with this. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. His first six albums are brilliant. I’m not a huge fan of anything made after the “Born in the USA” album (though it’s good in it’s own way). However, I’ve always respected how Springsteen was a populist. He was for the workin’ man, against “the establishment” and sang songs from the point of view of The Everyman. I loved it. But in 2004, he came out in support of John Kerry for president. I don’t really care who he votes for, or that he votes at all. But when he picked sides, to me, he lost his ability to be appreciated by “everybody.”

That’s fine, he can do/write/sing what he wants. Go, Bruce! But when he did that (and again in this election with the Hope Dope Dealer Obama), he lost something. I’d feel the same way if he sided with a Republican candidate. He picked sides. He alienated people. It’s his choice and he’s got every right to do that, but he did alienate people.

And that’s something I feel that I am doing if The Hing is hosting such a forum. The thing that should be really clear about The Hing is that “everybody gets some.” We don’t discriminate when it comes to dishing it out. And thus, we don’t alienate people (or perhaps we alienate everybody… but whichever, it’s equal!).

When I started The Hing, I wanted it to be separate from me. But now I see that that isn’t possible. The Hing and I (which would make a smashing musical, btw) are simultaneously one, yet different (hehe). And because of that, I’m responsible for what’s posted and what’s said on The Hing forums.

And that’s why there are no longer Hing forums.

We’re going back to how it was, except things will be moderated. I have the final say, so if there’s a problem, I’m the one to be held accountable.

For further reading, please checkout the new guidelines here.

Any tips, suggestions, etc are encouraged.

ps – new article tomorrow!

Despite Sweater Vest, Bhakta Alec Not Aspiring for Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu

PHILADELPHIA – Bhakta Alec, a 19 year old white bodied devotee from Abbington, moved into the Philly temple last Govardhana Puja, trading in his cigarette leg unisex jeans and band t-shirts for the standard temple devotee uniform of dhoti and kurta.

However, since moving into the Philly asrama, Bhakta Alec has acquired 3 sweater vests. “The chocolate brown one is my favorite,” said Alec after a recent darshan with the ISKCON guru and GBC Ravindra Svarupa.
Click here to read on…

Ritviks Posthumously Initiate George Harrison

Former Beatle and Hare Krishna icon, George Harrison, has finally taken initiation – 40 years after meeting Srila Prabhuada and seven years after leaving his body. was given ritvik initiation on behalf of Srila Prabhupada.

“The initiation of the famous Sriman George Harrison is a long-overdue and auspicious occasion,” said Kapirasa das, who performed the ceremony on behalf of Srila Prabhupada. “His name is now Sriman Hari das.”

ISKCON representative, Matsaryam das, expressed disgust at the initiation asking, “How can the ritviks do this?” asked When Srila Prabhupada was on the planet, he would have to approve of invitations prior to the ceremony. Now that he is no longer with he, he can give no such approval.” Adding, “besides, everybody knows we had dibs on George!”

Click here to read on…