This whole thing seems so needlessly drawn out.

It’s been over a month since the doctor has released me to go back to regular duty (I was on “light duty” due to my finger being crushed and the joint destroyed). A position opened up and it was offered to me, but I had to get off light duty to do it. I was fine with that since it was a desk job with even less lifting than I was doing on “light duty,” so I asked the doctor to release me.

He checked me out and agreed and I was released.

So I took the paper into work, gave it to human resources. I told the manager who offered the job to me that I was ready to start, but he told me that someone else had to be offered the job because I wasn’t released. Of course, I told him that I was, but he said that there’s more to being released than the doctor – the insurance company paying the bills has to release me. That may take some time.

Now, it doesn’t make much sense why the insurance company would be dragging its feet. You’d think that the sooner I’d be released, the sooner they’d be able to stop paying for me.

A month went by and I was told that “it takes time” and “it’s up to the insurance company.” Getting a bit fed up, I called the insurance company and asked them what was the big freakin deal. They said that, yes, I was released and should be able to go back to full duty as of a month ago. I asked them why I wasn’t and they didn’t really have an answer.

I related this to human resources and they said that the insurance company still needs to fax some paperwork to them.

Someone is dropping the ball here and it’s not me. I don’t think it’s human resources, really, because they want me to be out of the light duty job so that another worker (who actually needs it) can take it. But they can’t move me out of it until I’m fully released.

So it appears that the party with the least amount to gain from me being on light duty is to blame. Odd that the party with the most to gain was fine with releasing me right away.

I’ve got two more doctors appointments. One is a final medical check up and the other is some assessment that they do for the Dept of Labor & Industry. They rate my permanent damage and award me some BS “settlement.”

There was some interesting insurance company stuff going on here (as there was prior to the surgery), but I’ll save them for a later date – after everything is completed.

As for the permanent damage stuff, my finger has more movement in it than the doctors thought it would have, but it’s far from being back to normal. They say that it might get better over the next year or so. It also healed at a strange angle. When I make a fist, this fifth finger angles off to the side. Fun, no? No. Not really.

But everyone seems very surprised that I healed as well as I did. Even the insurance company was saying how severe of an injury it was.

That’s it. More about all of this when I know more about all of this.

I just got back from seeing the hand doctor this morning. The appointment, so I thought, was to see if I was ready to go back to the incredibly dangerous job of unloading poorly loaded trucks filled with finger-crushing and neck-breaking boxes. But no, it was just a regular old check up. I did, however, make an appointment to see him again in a couple of weeks to make that decision.

Today, the doctor gave me a “buddy strap,” which sounds sort of dirty, but really it’s just a strap that ties my fourth and fifth fingers together so that my fifth finger (the one that was smashed) will stop dangling off to the side. That, apparently, is an issue.

I am officially through with physical therapy, which is nice – though I liked it and my therapist was a pretty swell guy. We talked about computers, football and today we talked about a fourth of July celebration at some lake where his in-laws have a cabin that features a guy in a pontoon plane who attempts to drop watermelons from 300 feet up onto a target placed on a barge in the middle of this lake. He’s been doing it for years and has yet to hit the target (or the barge), but when the watermelons hit the water, they explode creating a very large red splash.

This sounds like something I would enjoy. I bet Ryan has already Googled it.

So that’s where I am with the finger smashage. It’s healed much more than anyone thought it would, though it’s unlikely it will completely heal. The folks at the hand place have been great and I’ll miss them, but if I’m put back into the same job where I was before, I’m sure it won’t be long until I’m visiting them again.

Though I mostly just sit there, bored out of my skull, doing absolutely nothing at work (that’s my job – I answer a telephone that often doesn’t ring), last night I had to complete some orientation training.

This training was about something called Freight Flow.

What is this “Freight Flow” you ask? Well, it is many things, according to the training documentation. Mostly it’s just a flowing system to get freight into stock and then sold to the customer. It’s a pretty common sense, simple thing. All stores do it.

But here the benefit of “Freight Flow” is described as providing “store management with the necessary tools to manage the flow of freight.”

So the benefit of Freight Flow is that it allows managers to manage the flow of freight. That’s practically a palindrome, and most importantly: it doesn’t mean anything. Most of the documentation reads like this.

Most of it doesn’t say anything at all. It covers some basic, useful points and then litters the rest of the many, many pages with sentences like that one.

In another bit of literature that I was reading last night, the same exact sentence appeared in three consecutive paragraphs. Did the writer do this on a dare? Was the proofreader high on crack? Or is this just how it goes?

It’s sad that my first summer ride would come in August and consist mostly of sitting in traffic on my two mile course to work. But it’s true. My second, third and fourth summer rides are very similar, the fourth being augmented by a short stop to refuel.

That said, it’s great to be back on the bike. My fracture is pretty well healed, though I’m not allowed to apply pressure to it at this point. I am, however, supposed to start moving it and trying to curl it as much as my poor depleted muscles allow.

I sat on the bike hoping that the once-smashed finger would provide no obstacle in riding and I was mostly right. I don’t use my fifth finger for anything, really. In braking, I use my index, middle and ring fingers. In revving the throttle, my thumb and index finger do most of the work.

This is all very good news.

The only problem is getting my gloves over my stiff and slightly bent-forward finger. That, and sometimes when braking, my little finger gets in the way, forcing me to use the rear brake only or do a bit of quick, but awkward, shuffling of my right hand.

These things will go away in time.

My only concern is co-workers thinking “if he can ride a scooter, then he should be more than fit to throw around 50lbs boxes all night.” I am hoping that this does not become an issue, though I’ve seen no signs of it just yet.

For now, at work, I sit and wait for the phone to ring, which it does sporadically. Sometimes and hour will go by without a call. Other times, it very literally rings off the hook. This is not the highly exciting job you might think it is, but there are worse jobs out there, I’m sure. Jack-in-the-Box is hiring, here’s hoping I don’t accidentally stumble under its employment.

As you might have inferred from the post’s title, I start back at work today. But they are putting me on “light duty,” which in layman’s terms apparently means “answering the phone.” I’m pretty sure I’m capable of doing such things.

Honestly, it doesn’t make a lot of sense for an employer to put someone on light duty just to answer phones. Before the use of walkie talkies and cell phones, I wonder if I’d be the guy who answers phones AND runs messages to people. Now, everyone is connected.

As far as my work history goes, I stopped working Jan 31, 2008. I then started working in late June, 2009. I lasted two days before having my finger crushed between a box of heavy hardware things and a metal conveyor thingie. Now, Aug 4, I’m going back for my third day at work in about 19 months. I guess the gig is up and I have to once again contribute to society in boring, unimaginative ways.

I’m not really sure where I’d actually enjoy working. Definitely not saying that I’d dislike it everywhere. A lot of it depends on who you’re working with, not what you’re doing. I guess we’ll see what goes down today.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkKXRyhYAyw

I got the pins out yesterday. They put me under, but it was a much more pleasant experience than the last time.

Last time, I needed vicodin, this time, I don’t even feel it. Vicodin was horrible, so I’m really thrilled that it’s a nonissue.

I don’t really know how long it will be till it’s normal again. They may have told me yesterday, but I have basically no memory of anything.

One thing I did notice… I now believe that nurses who put you under like to mess with you. Yesterday, right before I was going under, they all started talking about a TV show they watched about high class hookers and pornography. Prices were discussed and I believe I probably had something to say about all of that, but I was fading out and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in post-op sipping on some pretty nasty tasting apple juice.

But really, that’s just cool. Some folks would be upset at the unprofessionalism, but not me. I think it’s great! I would have done it too.

I first suspected this when, as I was being prepped for surgery, the anesthesiologist walked in and called me “dude!” and then proceeded to tell me that he and I talked a lot last time. That’s when I told him that he had a really fun job.

So I’m on the path to getting better and maybe I’ll even be able to ride in a few weeks. No idea when I’ll be fit to do more things though.

I had a visit with the surgeon yesterday so that he could see when I’d be getting the four pins out of my hand.

They’ve been in for nearly four weeks, so they took x-rays and asked me questions, listened to my breathing and then scheduled me to go in for surgery on Monday.

The doctor said something about not putting me completely under, which is nice. Though being totally unconscious wasn’t that bad, I’d rather be aware than unaware.

I wonder how much pain I’ll be in on Monday. I was in a great deal of pain when I first got them in. I took Vicodin a few times, but hated it and would rather be in pain.

Vicodin made me angry. I generally don’t get angry. But the hot little cocktail of acetaminophen and hydrocodone pissed me off. No thanks, says I.

So on Monday I’ll have less hardware and I hope it doesn’t hurt too much. They tell me that I have a high tolerance for pain. That’s nice to know, but I’d rather this all be over.