Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a cult TV show that featured a guy shot into space and then forced to watch bad movies with his robot friends Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot. They would riff on the movie as it played. Actually, the whole story was told in the intro to the show.

During their third season, they took on five Gamera movies, starting with Gamera, the first one. They, of course, couldn’t use the subtitled version, so they got the dubbed version.

Gamera was dubbed once in 1966 and once again in 1985. MST3K used to 1985 version produced by Sandy Frank. His versions are notoriously bad. This is just perfect for riffing!

Gamera! The love story between a giant turtle and downtown Tokyo!: The Movie
Right away, we learn that this is the Sandy Frank version. “Sandy Frank – that’s what you get when you drop your hot dog at the beach!”

I’ve seen other Sandy Frank Gamera movies before – this one’s dubbing is the best. By the time he got to Gamera vs. Gaos, I think everyone in the studio was sufficiantly drunk.

During the original Gamera, there’s a scene featuring real live Americans speaking real live Americanish! It’s a military base and the general looks a lot like Curly Joe DaRita, Joe Besser’s replacement (who was Shemp’s replacement [who was sort of the original Curly's replacement]) from The Three Stooges! I’m glad Sandy saw fit to leave their raspy All-American voices untouched.

As our heroes, Dr. Hitaka, Catherine and Alex (yeah, Sandy changed the names of only some of the characters) are flying to find Gamera, Tom riffs: “The capatain has turned off the ‘no dubbing’ sign. You are free to speak any language you like.” But, I guess they don’t have “no smoking” signs on airplanes anymore.

Sandy Frank also changed the name of Toshio’s turtle. Chibi is now Tibby and Toshio is Kenny. Kenny is light years more annoying than Toshio.

Other differences include Kenny thinking that Gamera is part of Tibby’s family (Toshio thought it was the same turtle). Kenny’s father is meaner than Toshio’s father. And in this version, Dr. Hidaka and his assistant, Catherine, are father and daughter.

Despite all of that, the translation is pretty good. It changes no real plot points and doesn’t seem to edit out anything aside from the Japanese credits.

MST3K hit their stride in Season Three. The riffing and the host segments are both pretty solid. Even so, Joel beats us to death with repeated Carvel Ice Cream guy impressions and another impression that is amazingly annoying. Even Crow tells him to knock it off.

Never one to be bossed around by the bots! Joel rips Crow’s arm off just for making a bad pun! He tosses it across the theater and refuses to pick it up as they leave. Joels seems a bit grumpy today.

There’s also a scene where a rocketship comes up from the ground and then launches. It looks suspiciously like Joel’s own creation done for the MST3K theme song. The bots mention this and sing the first line of the song, so Joel rips Crow’s arm off again and threatens to sue.

The movie ends, but Joel and the Bots must stay in the theater until the Sandy Frank logo appears… and then disappears… and wait… for Sandy Frank’s other logo to appear… and then go away. Apparently Frank was insistant about this. Joel and the Bots seem fairly annoyed.

Kenny, What Gives?: The Host Segments
Some folks watch MST3K for the riffing, while others watch it for the host segments.

Like in the original version, Kenny must let Tibby go. It’s a sad moment when a boy must part with his pet turtle. And Tom Servo sings a song about it. Crow, of course, makes fun of him and Tom, as he is apt to do, cries.

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By the time the next host segment rolls around, Tom and Crow have made up, mostly due to their shared hatred for Kenny. They make a voodoo doll from one of Joel’s Jim Varney dolls, calling it Kenny. Joel stumbles upon their antics and stops them. But this doesn’t quell their hatred. “What’s the deal with Kenny?” they ask Joel who reminds them, “People don’t mean to be obnoxious, they’re just all screwed up inside.”

Here we find Season Three’s first contest that pretty much goes nowhere.There’s no prize or anything, but Tom Servo urges us to write in with an explanation of “Kenny, What Gives?” Send in your answers to the address on the screen. Sadly, no answers were ever read on the air. Clearly, nobody had any idea what Kenny’s deal actually was.

Often during the third host segment, stars from the movie they’re watching will drop by to say hello. In Gamera, Gamera himself drops by! A young Mike Nelson (who would later go on to host the show) plays Gamera. He admits to using Kenny and gives us a bit of a clue as to what it’s like being a giant turtle on laundry day. He receives a call from Godzilla with an offer to do the movie Gamera vs. Godzilla – though Godzilla isn’t thrilled with Gamera’s top billing….

After the movie, Tom Servo takes a second look at the quality cast of today’s film: Our own Tad Hirokima, ¹ Hitio Fontaine,² Lite-Rock sensation’s Harry and Karri,³ General Curly, Eskimo Pete, The Karnak knockoff, Martha Graham, Colonal Sanders-san, Mr. Eddy’s Father, Max and Trouser the artic pooch and let’s not forget Kenny and Gamara⁴.

What’s a Puppet Operator?: The KTMA episode of Gamera
Back in 1988, MST3K was just a tiny puppet/movie show on local Minneapolis TV station, KTMA TV-23. Compared to what they accomplished later, it’s pretty rough. Think of it as their answer to Dylan’s Basement Tapes. They’re really only for the hardcore fan, but there’s still a bit of brilliance there too.

Gamera was only their fifth episode ever. It aired on December 11, 1988. It was close to Christmas, so we find that Joel has cryogenicaly frozen Crow and decorated him as a Christmas tree. “There aren’t any spruce trees in space,” says Joel. Really, Trace Beaulieu (who played Crow and Dr. Forrester up till the 7th Season) just wasn’t there to take part.

The movie itself is uncut and Joel is the only one in the theater. The riffing is very sparse. He’ll say something every minute or so. And because they didn’t tint the black and white movie, you can hardly see him at all. So the whole thing is just like watching an old late-night monster movie that’s wonderfully interrupted by a horror host every so often.

The rest of the host segments are mostly devoted to viewer calls. People would call up, leave a goofy message and Joel would play some of them on the air. Gypsy (basically a very proto-Gypsy) does an impression of Godzilla. In another segment, Joel and Servo (here colored silver and looking not very much like the Tom Servo of today) give a quiz, asking, “Is Ted Turner dumb enough to colorize the beginning of Wizard of Oz?”

The show ends with Joel explaining Christmas and Hanukkah to Proto-Gypsy. They then sing us out with a rousing rendition of the timeless classic “O Tanenbot.”

Overall, Joel seemed lonely and though he’s normally kind of sleepy-eyed, he’s usually much more hyper than this.

Gamera is steamin’ mad at dirt!
But for me, the one to watch is obviously the version from Season Three. They were pros at this point. They knew what to do and pretty well never stopped riffing.

By the end of the last host segment of the Season Three episode, as Joel and the Bots are saying their good-byes, Joel thanks Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank “for not sending such a bad movie this time.”

And thank you for reading nearly 1,500 more words about a giant flying turtle!

-Here you can watch the whole thing, if you like.
-Here’s the original KTMA opening for MST3K.
-Here’s what most of the original MST3K crew are doing these days.

1. The Japanese Foster Brooks. Look for him on the CBS special, A Friar’s Roast of Akira Kurosawa [↩]
2. Established charactor actor who tragically dies during the making of this film [↩]
3. Karri’s gone on to be an assistant/snake handler for Las Vegas magician, Senor Ray. Harry has subsisted on nothing but Glade Mist deodorant for the last three years to prove his love for coy Karri [↩]
4. Who will be appearing in the Broadway revival of Bob Clampet’s immortal Beanie and Cecil ‘91. [↩]