Something odd, yet familiar happened to me today. I was at the bank making a deposit. The teller lady was nice and looked up my account number for me. I gave her my name. I said, Eric Swanger.

After all was wrapping up, she said, “Thanks, and have a good day, Chris.”

I paused. Like I said, it seemed familiar. Chris? I said to her, “Eric.” “Right, right,” she replied, “I don’t know why I called you Chris.”

“It happens a lot,” I said while backing slowly away.

And it does. I am called “Chris” more than anything (aside from Eric and Herc). Why? I’m never called any other names. Nobody ever mistakes me for a John or a Mark. I’m never called Tony or Leroy or Merv Griffin. Nobody ever thinks I’m Dale.

So what gives?

This all started back in elementary school. My best friend was Chris Hackenburg. We were both short and blond and into Star Wars (a lot). So it was my assumption, then, that when Mrs. Heath or Mr. Gessner (my 2nd and 3rd grade teachers) would call me “Chris,” it was because they actually thought that I was Chris.

But Chris was never called Eric. Nevertheless, I figured our similarities were the reason that I received the moniker “Chris.”

Through middle school and high school, I was still called “Chris” on more occasions than I can remember. Now it was starting to happen with people who didn’t know Chris Hackenburg, who had never seen Chris Hackenburg. What the hell, huh?

And after high school too! At work, co-workers who knew my name would mistakenly call me Chris. Girls who I didn’t know would, for some reason, just assume my name was Chris. Devotees who knew very well that I wasn’t named Chris, would just blurt out “Chris!”

When I worked at the bookstore and even when I owned my own, customers, delivery people, customer service representatives and pretty much everybody else would either mistakenly call me Chris or would assume my name actually was Chris.

Then there is Bhakta Chris at New Vrndavana, who residents sometimes mistake for me. Madhava Ghosh got us together to prove that we’re not the same person.

And then there is today. It wasn’t just an east coast thing. The “Chris” problem has followed me to Seattle. How? Why? What the hell is going on?!

These questions have bothered me for decades now. Does this sort of thing happen to other people? Is Ryan sometimes called “Timmy”? Is Sarah sometimes called “Debbie”? Do people ever call Calder “Torgo”? And if not, why not? I’ve probably been mistakenly called “Chris” a hundred times. It happens four or five times a year.

Can anyone shed light onto this?