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Archive for November 25th, 2007

sitproperly on Nov 25th 2007 Gaudia Vaisnava

Hare Krishna on the Homefront

Most of my old writing on KC was preachy, self righteous and lame. There are a few exceptions. This is one.

I wrote this article a waaaaay long time ago. I thought it’s about time to bring it back. It was in a zine I used to do called Do All Cows Eat Grass…

[It's pretty hard to read, so I typed it out for you. Yay!]

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Here it is….

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Hare Krishna on the Homefront

WASSERWAHL, UTAH – You’ve seen the Hare Krishnas on street corners chanting and selling books and flowers, but perhaps the least-likely place to find them would be at a country western style hoedown. But Bhakta Jeb “Slappy” Hienz and Bhakta Billy Bo “Shakey” Fullerton have taken the congressional chanting called “kirtan” by the Hare Krishna to levels unthought of by the devotees.

“Slappy” and “Shakey” (as they prefer to be known as) follow strictly the Hare Krishna four regulative principles: no intoxicants, no meat eating, no illicit sex, an no gambling.

“Before we became devotees,” says Bhakta Slappy, who plays the mandolin,” me and Shakey prabhu would jus’ sit ’round all day ‘n’ drink moonshine and, well, to be God honest, we used to eat ’bout a pound or so of giblets a day. I still long for the stuff. But I know Lord Krishna, he don’t like it none, so I ain’t gonna eat it no more.”

When the other citizens of Wazzerwahl were asked about what they thought of Slappy and Shakey’s new system of religious beliefs, we received mixed response. Many thought that they were influenced by Satan, but surprisingly enough, many more were actually supportive of Slappy and Shakey’s new found ideals. A few have even started “chanting japa” (saying the Hare Krishna chant on wooden beads like that of Rosary beads).

We questioned Bhakta Shakey (the banjo player) about his plans for the future. “I don’t rightly know, I guess it’s whatever Gurudeva [the spiritual teacher] wants, don’t you know. He says that me and Slappy prabhu gotta cultivate this here area ‘n’ maybe cut a record.”

But for Slappy and Shakey, life on the homefront isn’t as bad as it used to e. They have turned mostly self-sufficient and rely on oxen to pull their plows to till the soil. They have renounced everything except for the sideburns and cowboy hats, but in Slappy’s words, “hey, Gurudeva says we can keep’em.”

We wish Bhakta Slappy and Bhakta Shakey the best of luck spreading the Krishna faith to the towns people of Wazzerwahl, and bid them a hardy haribol and thanks for the BBQ chutney dipped pakoras.

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