I just finished up watching the Fangoria Horror Awards show thing. I set it to record and waited so I could watch it and skip over the commercials, shitty music, lame “subplot” where someone is trying to kill Jamie Kennedy and generally dumb and annoying automatons in their “I like horror movies so I’m going to dress and act like Rob Zombie” uniforms.

See, I used to like horror movies. I’m not going to go on some rant about how horror movies today aren’t as good as they used to be. They’re just as shitty as they ever were. There were schlocky b-horror flicks in the 40′s and there are schlocky b-horror flicks now.

But movies then had class. Even the up through the 70′s and 80′s. There was a class there. A nod of the head to something intellectual, something more. They were dark social commentaries of our time. A mirror reflecting a brutally honest side that we’d rather avert our eyes from.

And now? Now, they’re just as bad (no worse), but now there’s just not class. It’s all about being obnoxious. It used to be about geeky horror fans in their mom’s basement, content with the fact that no sane girl would ever even look at them, it didn’t matter, they had their movies and their geeky horror memorabilia. Now… I guess it’s just different. Much more extroverted. Much more “look at me!” And definitely dumbed down.

Oh, and can I bitch about the music for a little here. Seriously, what the hell was that? Slipknot gave out an award. Who the fuck still listens to Slipknot?! And I had the pleasure of sitting through about ten seconds of Avenged Sevenfold… listen folks, if you actually find yourself liking these snake oil salesmen, do yourself a favor and check out any one of the tons of bands from the early to mid-90′s that were part of the west coast hardcore scene. No, they didn’t wear the horror uniform and they were all creepy and “scary,” but the music actually meant something. God, I sound like a snob. But come on.

It was like Hot Topic handed out what to watch, listen to and wear and everybody went “oh my god! we’re all so fucking different! wooooo! all of us are DIFFERENT like all the different people we want to be like!”

It ran for two hours, I let it record for the first hour knowing I’d have to skip at least an hour’s worth of unwatchableness. Sadly, I skipped so much that I had to suffer through the last 15 minutes uncut. Now THAT is a horror show.

Devil’s Rejects won best film (or whatever awesome cool horror name they called it). Zombie Honeymoon won best indy film and for GOOD reason. Everything else, with little exception, was wonderfully forgettable.

By the way, why does Robert England (guy who played Freddie Kruger) look like a slightly less scary, graying Abraham Lincoln now? Seriously, shave.