I used to have a journal on Live Journal. With that, I posted a bunch of fun stuff. I’ll be plundering the archives and posting some of it here. You know, because you care.

HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA
KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE
HARE RAMA HARE RAMA
RAMA RAMA HARE HARE

http://www.harekrsna.com/sun/editorials/09-06/editorials660.htm

I’m hoping to move by July. Maybe August. I’m not exactly sure where yet. Portland, OR seems to be high on my list. As does Santa Rosa, CA. But somewhere where it’s not bitterly cold.

Yeah, I’ll have to sell the store. And sell most of my belongings. Maybe even the bus and a scooter or two.

Lately, I’ve been really doubting my ability to pull this off. I’m nervous. I’m actually really really scared about this. I’ve never lived alone before. I’ve never moved across the country chasing …. something. I don’t even know why I’m moving. I don’t understand why I can’t stay. I don’t know what exactly doing.

And I’m not even sure that’s the biggest problem.
I know I need to leave. There’s nothing for me here except a situation I’d rather not live with.

But I could easily see me never doing it.
I’m not sure which scares me more, doing it or not doing it. Both send my head spinning. I am clueless on how to move and how to stay. What do I do? I feel so fucked.

Not about anarchism, Not about cooking….,

Well.. if anarchism needed an SLC Punk, we certainly have it. Here is the plot of this crap of a film:

Puck and a bunch of his friends live with this old anarchist/hippy in this communal house. Everything is peachy and wonderful and they do small actions here and there, but mostly are just living a nice little anti-authoritarian lifestyle.

Along comes this guy who calls himself “Johnny Black” (ohhhhhh punk rock!). He has different ideas for this little group. first he introduces them to (you guessed it) the Anarchist Cookbook. You know, that book you all read when you were in middle school. It “teaches” you how to make bombs and drugs. Mostly it’s a bunch of crap.

Well, they’re all against it at first. And everyone really dislikes Johnny Black. But they can’t tell him to leave because they’re anarchists and, I guess, according to this movie, anarchists can’t tell people to leave. Hm.. if that were really the case, you think there’d be WAY more anarchists. Anyway, it turns out the older hippy anarchist likes little boys (????) and his girlfriend finds out and leaves him. And then they’re raided by the cops.

They go to jail for various things. Johnny Black gets 3 years, but is going to be out in 4 months. Puck moves into his parent’s house and spends more time with his girlfriend. They met at a punk show, she is a dominatrix by night and a member of the young republicans at a christian school by day (I thought that was cute).

Puck also gets a real job at a Starbucks like place. There’s a neat sequence of making espressos that’s supposed to look like Requiem for a Dream. Pretty cool.

So Johnny Black gets out of jail and finds Puck and starts to live with him. But puck is afraid to tell him to leave because Johnny Black is a hardcore mofo and would bust a cap in his ass. So then Puck and Johnny find a new place and everyone agrees that Johnny Black is in charge. I’m not sure how that happened though. Even the hippy guy is kissing Johnny Black’s ass. Makes no sense whatsoever. I was lost.

And then all of a sudden, Johnny Black holds a gun party and invites neo-nazis and militia guys and Puck freaks out because everyone is cool with this. During the freak out, he delivers the only good line in the movie.

“There are only a few things worse than the US federal government and right now they’re ALL sitting in my living room!” pretty nice.

So puck has this friend (who’s been in the movie.. if you’re confused, puck = Steve-O and his friend = the Bob guy, both from SLC Punk). Anyway, Puck’s friend ODs on Johnny Black’s pills. Puck and the hippy guy and this other guy and some girl who was arrested for going down on another girl earlier in the movie get together and formulate a plan to get rid of Johnny Black.

The night before a big action that includes the “anarchists”, the nazis and the militia guys, Puck and the others cook up a bunch of “puckcakes” which look like pancakes, but have drugs in them to put the nazis, etc to sleep. Or to kill them , it’s not very clear. Well, Johnny Black finds out and there is a confrontation that’s somewhat humorous, because at this point, you hate everyone in the film, and anyone getting beat up with an iron pan from the stove is just wonderful.

So everyone except for Puck, the hippy guy, that girl and one other guy are unconscious. They all talk about what they’re going to do and then Puck does what any self-respecting anarchist would do.He goes to the FBI. The FBI raids the house, arrests everyone and Puck goes.. no, not jail time, but $200,000 dollars for the arrest of Johnny Black and one of the nazis.

So at the end of the movie, Puck changes his name back to peter (his given name) and goes to work at the Ronald Reagon library in California with his republican girlfriend.

Ok… so that’s the movie.

Anyway, they blew a GREAT opportunity here. They could have made a movie about how the FBI infiltrates activist groups and tries to get them to do illegal & violent things (FBI used to do this a lot more.. it’s been made illegal now, so they have to be a LOT better at hiding it). Basically, they made a crap movie that combined Fight Club and SLC Punk. Johnny Black was a horrible Brat Pitt.

It’s not even fun to watch. Just a horrid movie that, like SLC Punk, basically says, “what you believe doesn’t matter, just be a good kid and stop all that punk rock stuff.”

The only extras on the disc are the director’s commentary where he apologizes over and over for making such a crap film. Ok.. he doesn’t do that. Well, I assume he doesn’t, I’ve not actually had the guts to listen to the commentary track.

Wow, what a crap film. Very crap indeed.

Last evening, my pal Calder and I were discussing the finer points of the Springsteen song “Thunder Road.”

It’s a song about two adults who have done nothing since graduating high school and now the male character wants to take the female character and leave for “the promised land.”

Here are the lyrics, with the ones in question in bold:

The screen door slams, Mary’s dress sways
Like a vision she dances across the porch. As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that’s me and I want you only
Don’t turn me home again, I just can’t face myself alone again
Don’t run back inside, darling you know just what I’m here for
So you’re scared and you’re thinking
That maybe we ain’t that young anymore
Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night
You ain’t a beauty, but hey you’re alright
Oh and that’s alright with me
You can hide `neath your covers and study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers, throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I’m no hero, that’s understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night’s busting open
This two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back, Heaven’s waiting on down the tracks

Oh-oh come take my hand
We’re riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road,
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it’s late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold, Thunder Road

Well I got this guitar and I learned how to make it talk
And my car’s out back if you’re ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door’s open but the ride it ain’t free
And I know you’re lonely and there’s words that I ain’t spoken
But tonight we’ll be free, all the promises’ll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
you hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they’re gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It’s a town full of losers and I’m pulling out of here to win.

Now, specifically, we were discussing the line “You ain’t a beauty, but hey you’re alright.”

What we couldn’t figure out was… is this an insult? And if it’s not an insult, is this any way to coax a gal into leaving town with you?

We were stumped. So I figured that he and I couldn’t possibly figured this out. We are males. What we needed was a female who knew a bit of Springsteen and wasn’t 20 years old.

Found one.
She said [while making reference to other bits of the song]:

well, if i was mary i wouldn’t be thrilled..

”you’re alright” — hmmm hard to say. i mean if you’re not actually beautiful, *and* you know it.. and you know he knows it.. maybe that’s alright if mary IS fully cognizant of the fact that she aint no beauty. still, nobody likes to be reminded of these things.. but then she also sent boys away, so maybe she had a redeemable feature, like big knockers… i’m not sure.

And well… that pretty much sums it up.

Now, also keep in mind that it was that 70’s and “alright” had a bit of a different connotation then. It was much more positive. And a “beauty” could have been a stereotypical model. Maybe Mary was hoping to be a beauty queen and couldn’t pull it off (who can?).

But I think it means what it says. She’s not a beauty, but so what? He’s nothing special either (“I’m no hero, that’s understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood”).

This song always brings a tear to my eye. Probably because I’m 31 and still living in the town where I grew up.

Here are my top 10 reasons why I think the War on Terror/Iraq sucks. Ready? Let’s begin…

10) Magnetic “Support Our Troops” Ribbons.
These annoy me pretty bad, though, I’ve gotten used to them in recent years. The smug attitude of the person displaying the magnets is probably my biggest pet peeve here. Though, it’s nicely symbolized by the magnet itself. Thanks. The ones that annoy me the most are the magnetic ribbons that are turned on their sides to look like Jesus Fish. What the hell is up with that? More on the Christian/War connection in a bit.

9) Anti-War Liberals voting for Pro-War Democrats.
I don’t get this at all. Most liberals, in 2004, voted for Kerry. Kerry was pro-war. He actually said that he wanted to “kill ‘em all” in response to the question of terrorism. Bush hadn’t even said that. In 2006, most liberals voted for democrats. None (as in ZERO) of those democrats have plans for either impeachment of Bush or an exit strategy for Iraq. Most are pro-war. So why do liberals think that electing pro-war democrats will end the Iraq war? No idea. But the pro-war democrats always get the anti-war vote. Hey! Just like Nixon!

8) Fathers who leave their kids.
Maybe a little “from left field,” but this bugs me a lot. If you have a bunch of kids, do NOT go overseas. Get out of the Army. It sucks for them. Constantly moving and constantly worrying if Daddy will come home with all four limbs or in a body bag. It’s shitty to do to them. Stop it.

7) Anti-protestors who bitch about protestors using their right to protest.
This is a weird Catch 22 thing. See, the logic there goes like this: the pro-war lot doesn’t want the anti-war lot to protest, because the soldiers are over there defending the anti-war lot’s right to protest. But if the anti-war lot didn’t protest, wouldn’t, according to the pro-war “logic,” the soldiers be fighting for nothing?

6) Peace is Patriotic bullshit.
Peace, dear liberals, is NOT patriotic. Patriotism is violence. Always. Patriotism isn’t loving the land where you live, it isn’t loving the people who live there, it’s really got nothing to do with love. It is (blind?) acceptence of a government disguised as idealism and a viable way of life. It is herd mentality at its lowest. If you want to be proud of something, be proud of something *you* did. Or something your kids or friends did. Do politicians actually do things that make you proud? Peace is not patriotic. This country (as with most) was founded upon the ideals of war, colonization and expansion. Murder, genecide and unjust wars spread this patriotism. Peace was never involved.

5) Flags.
Speaking of patriotism, let’s talk about flags. I never trusted flags. But after 9/11, everybody *had* to have one! If you didn’t have a flag out in front of your house, you were supporting the terrorists. If you didn’t have a flag on your car, you hated America. Nevermind that within a year after 9/11, those oh-so-holy flags were nothing but filthy tatters (hey! just like the “democracy” they represent!) lying along side the road. And nevermind that those flags… those US flags were made in China. That’s showing support for the US workers and soldiers. By buying US flags from a dictatorship! Disgusting.

4) Christians who support Bush like he’s actually directed by God.
Yet another things that will always be lost on me. Why is it that so many Christians support the war? Christ was the “Prince of Peace!” Not the “Prince of Let’s Bomb the Shit Out of Brown People!” He preached tolerance and acceptance, not bigotry and racial profiling. He taught love thy neighbor as thyself, not “report thy Muslim neighbor to the FBI.” He spoke on sharing and giving of yourself, not capitalism and greed. I bet Christ didn’t care about oil and I’m pretty sure he didn’t bomb anyone. It’s vomit-inducing to think that so many Christians are so blood-thirsty. Christ must be so ashamed of you.

3) Fair-weather anti-war “activists.”
Now, back to the liberals. I started protesting the war before the war actually started. I was printing Little Black Star before the bombs dropped in Afghanistan. However, so many liberals were actually afraid to stand up for what they actually believed in! It wasn’t until the Iraq war when it became posh to be anti-war. Afterall, they say, the war against Afghanistan was because of 9/11, you know, when the US bombed a bunch of Afghanis for something a bunch of Saudis did. Makes sense to me. These fair-weather anti-war “activists” turned their backs on the few of us with enough guts to say, “fuck a bunch of this.” Shame on you. It shouldn’t be too surprising though. Not surprising, just pathetic.

2) Anti-protestors who claim that soldiers are defending our freedom.
Really? The soldiers fighting in Iraq are defending and protecting my freedom? Seriously? Was Saddam on his way over here just so I couldn’t exercise my freedom of speech? Was Osama trying to take away my right to bare arms? Is Al-Qaeda trying to overthrow Washington to make all of us speak Arabic? Exactly which freedoms are being threatened over there? Tell me, because I’m really at a loss. Do you really think Saddam was on his way to America to do away with our blessed form of Government? And did 9/11 really happen because the terrorists hated our freedom? Or was it because they were sick of the US and the west fighting proxy-wars over their land and oil?

The US hasn’t had to defend any of its freedoms since 1776 (well, a little after since the war went on for like 8 years). Not even in the War of 1812 – the US was trying to take MORE land from Canada and lost. Not in the Civil War – unless you lived in the South. And not in the World Wars – neither Germany nor Japan had any plans to take over the US. Certainly not Korea or Vietnam. And the Cold War? Hardly. And sure as hell not now. The troops are NOT defending our freedom. If they were, they’d be pointing their guns at Washington where both Republicans and Democrats meet almost daily to see which of our freedoms they want to take away next.

and the #1 thing that pisses me off about the War…
1) The War on Terror/Iraq (warning: very graphic images)

Ok, just about five minutes ago, a woman calls me up at the bookstore, asking if I’d give her a discount on the book, ” The Natural Step for Communities: How Cities and Towns Can Change to Sustainable Practices”

“Why would you like a discount”, I ask, “are you buying a bunch of them?” I often give discounts to reading groups and those who buy in bulk. She didn’t really address that, but did let me know that Barnes & Nobel has it for 20% off and that if I couldn’t give her that discount, she would buy it from there.

Now… stop and think about this. She wasn’t buying the book “Why Wal-Mart is the Superest Coolest Place on Earth.” She was buying a book that is clearly about “How Cities and Towns Can Change to Sustainable Practices.”

And she’s seeing if my independent bookstore can match a chain bookstore’s prices. And if I can’t, she’s going to buy a book about sustainable practices from the chain store.

Everyday, I’m baffled at the stupidity of humankind (in particual, “liberals”).

She’s calling back by 10:30 (when I place my orders) to let me know what she is going to do.

Wow.

*Update*

She ened up going with us. Took her a few hours to come to that conclusion, but she did. Bless her.

I’m listening to a mix of power ballads that I made. God, it brings back some memories. Right now I’m listening to Warrent’s “Heaven.” And I’m sure a lot of folks would see it as campy and goofy shit from the 80’s. And it is. But it was my childhood. Highschool. It was my highschool dance. Me standing in the dark, near the cinder block walls of the gymnasium, waiting through some shlock Paula Abdul song for the DJ to say “and now we’re gonna slow it down a bit.” And then he’d play Poison’s “Every Rose Has its Thorn” or “I Remember You” by Skid Row. I’d work up the guts to walk up to a girl and ask her if she’d like to dance. Usually. I’d always want to.

And even though I was shy as hell then, I had the guts to do that. There was no sense of mortality. Time lasted forever. Sure, highschool would be over soon, but life would never be. And summers were eternal. Till mid-August. But for that moment, whatever moment, any moment, time was everlasting. It stood still and we took advantage of it on some sticky basketball court while Kip Winger reminded us that we were “Headed for a Heartbreak.”

But we didn’t care. Tonight was homecoming. Tonight was the prom. Tonight was any given Friday after a home football game. Tonight was the night when she would glance your way, hold your hand, dance with you, kiss you goodnight. Tonight is the night that would last forever.

But in a way, it has lasted forever. Here I am, 13 years later, thinking about the courage I had then. And it wasn’t much, really. But it’s more than I have now.

It’s odd that we had so much courage then. If that night was going to last forever, didn’t we have all the time in the world to make our move? There would always be another power ballad after some crappy dance song. Always.

And now, the biggest thing that separates me from who I was then (aside from the hair and jean jacket with the Anthrax back patch) is that time is now finite. I have a real sense of mortality that I don’t think I had as a teenager. Maybe not even in my 20s.

I’m sure it’s not a full sense of mortality. I’m sure that as I get older, see my friends grow gray, my old school mates die of heart attacks and then cancer, that sense of mortality will sink deeper inside me.

And if I think I’m longing for my youth now, just wait until I’m 80. Because even now, 80 seems like a myth. That it’s simply not possible that I could ever be that old. But in 10th grade, waiting for the DJ to spin Bad English or Faster Pussycat just so I could wrap my arms around the waist of a girl, I’m sure I could never imagine me at 31.

Me at 31 wishing for the teenage courage to ask the girl to dance to a slow song I wish would never end.