From 1995 to 1997, maybe ‘98… till Ryan and Jaime moved to Japan, I guess, there was this amazing group of friends that I count myself so very fortunate to know and love.

And since then, I’ve been chasing whatever that was. Hoping to find even a sliver of that friendship, commadery and warmth in my life since then. But it’s not there.

We’ve kept in touch, more off than on, I guess. And when I see them, or some of them (some I’ve not seen in nearly 10 years), it’s like it never ended. Like the MST3K episode we started to watch in 97 is just ending now.

And what’s really messed up is that I can’t put this into words that make any sense.

I’ve had a lot of friends since then, but nothing like them. Nobody has “gotten” me like they got me. And I’ve not gotten anyone like I got them. It’s strange that I was always pretty much the outsider. I knew I was, since I lived so far away, but I also knew that didn’t matter. I was Herc.

Shit, I still *am* Herc. My backpack is still filled with pecks.

And now I’m thinking so much about moving (or “relocating” – I’ve been told that it sounds more professional if I call it “relocating” rather than “moving,” but whatever), I’m thinking about them and wondering if what I’m really chasing is that bond that we had so long ago. And I wonder if it’s even possible to find such a thing anywhere out there.

But I know for sure that it’s not here. So at least I know where not to look.

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twenty. Jesus, does anyone?

I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my life. I’m not happy here in Pennsylvania. Sure, I have the bookstore, but that’s about it. And that’s not enough to sustain me.

I’m thinking west coast. Have been for years. Maybe this summer it’ll be time to actually do that.

There’s nothing for me here now.

After a fairly crap weekend (so far?) and some major realizations, it just seems like I don’t belong here. Not sure where exactly I would belong, but hey, maybe somewhere, right?

“Where you came from is gone, where you thought you were going to weren’t never there, and where you are ain’t no good unless you can can get away from it…”

Let’s hit the fuckin’ road.

I’ve been writing more lately. That’s a good thing, I’m pretty sure. I kind of like them too.

There seems to be a whole hell of a lot going on lately. And when “handling it well” means “not murdering everybody” yeah… I’m handling it well.

I’m amazingly allergic to cigarette smoke. In the winter it’s several times worse than the summer. Drier air, no open windows, I guess. My reaction to it varies in such a huge degree. Sometimes it hardly bothers me, but other times, most times, I end up with a sinus headache that can leave me writhing on the floor in pain. Seriously.

It’s not just from being around smoke. Actually, that’s never the worst. It’s mostly stale cigarette smoke. When people smoke and then come inside, into an enclosed space with me. It immediately hits my sinuses (usually my left one above my eye). The headache builds slowly, over the course of several hours. If I’m lucky, it goes away. But usually, within 2 or 3 hours, it’s a full blown ice pick to the head.

And then sometimes nothing happens. Because of that, I’m often thought to be lying or embelishing it. Like I’m some fascist straight edger who just doesn’t want anyone to smoke.

I don’t care if you smoke, but I can’t live with it. When Nikki and I first started to take on roommates, Tenaya smoked, but cut down drastically. I don’t know if she quit, but she was hardly here anyway, so it didn’t much matter.

Now I’ve got two new roommates who I do actually enjoy and like very very much. We’ve become good close friends. But they both smoke now and though they say they’re going to quit, I know it’s hard.

Actually, I don’t know that it’s hard. I’ve heard it’s hard, but I’ve never been addicted, so I don’t know. But I *do* know that millions and millions of people have quit before, so it’s not impossible.

But, as it stands now, I can’t live like this. I wish I could, I’m not trying to be a dick. I physically can’t do this and that makes me feel like utter shit.

But what to do?
Beats me.

So for now, I’m doing the half-day fast and reading bits out of “This is My Request.” Wonderful book full of Prabhupada quotes that are inspiring. Great pictures too. And it was free! I’m not sure if it’s still free though. BBT has got to be taking it the teeth on this one. If they can pull it off, well worth it.

We left Lancaster around 9 or 10 in the morning. Stopped quick quick at Panera bread (sour dough for me – Ashley got a Choc Chip bagel) and Rhubarb, a local healthfood store (facial moisturizer for me.. and general food too. .. sure, I moisturize. Wanna fight?).

Hit the road and were off! Until about 6 miles into the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The “wobbling” sound I had been hearing for a few days and thought was my alignment needing realigned was actually my front passenger-side tire slowly disintegrating. It wasn’t disintegrating so slowly anymore. Suddenly it burst and its flatness sucked me headlongish into what I thought was going to be the guardrail and subsequent cliff. But it turned out to be just the berm of the road.

The breakdown was actually kind of fun. We called AAA and some guy who claimed to work 80 – 100 hours a week just towing and fixing things picked us up, put the big green turtle on a roll back and offered to take us to Coney Island. He doesn’t get to travel much because of working so many hours. We felt bad for him, because he was such a nice guy. Super nice. Sure, kind of a “hick,” but a real down to earth guy. I wish I could have talked to him more.

He dropped us off at the Wal-Mart so they could “fix” my tire.

I hate Wal-Mart. And except for an emergency sleeping bag somewhere in Western Ohio, I’ve not shopped there in well over a decade. But this was a Saturday afternoon. No tire place would open till Monday and we had to be in Coney by tonight. And I had to be at work on Monday. Wal-Mart it is.

Though Wal-Mart carries some pretty ok name tires, they stuck me with a crap Douglas tire for $40. It’s a passenger car tire and I wanted something … better. I don’t drive a passenger car. This is weight rated as a light truck. Dangerous! And to top it off, they couldn’t balance it because it was an older rim.

We were out of there by 3. I was leery about driving all the way to Coney Island on a crap tire and at least one other old tire that I figured was going to not be with us much longer. But we risked it and I’m glad we did.

Because of the delay, we had to shift around the order of things. Originally, we were supposed to spend the afternoon in Asbury Park, hitting Coney at night. But we skipped Asbury for now.

Getting into Coney, into New York City, is quite the little pain in the ass. Tolls and traffic. I kept my cool which is easy to do sitting next to the most mellow person in the history of mellow people.

Once we got to Coney, we parked and immediately hit the ground running, taking a bunch of pictures of everything. Some of those are posted from the link above.

The Creep Show at the Freak Show was the whole reason for the trip. We waited in their dirty little lobby while we could hear the gal introducing the show bark out bad pirate jokes (this was a pirate-themed event… complete with Dead Mr. Disney! he is planning on opening up a new park in Coney Island and we got to witness his plans!). An example of a bad pirate joke is thus:

Q: What does a Vegan do on a pirate ship?
A: stARRRRRRRRRRRRRve!

ARRRRRRRR!!

Oh yeah, pretend it’s not fun!

The show itself was cheesy and all around awesome. It lasted about an hour, and though I could really picture a lot of people getting annoyed at how corny it was, we both enjoyed it quite a lot. Actually, most folks there (and there were a lot) seemed to enjoy it.

After the show let out, we booked it for the bus and hit the Garden State Parkway to a little State Park near Coney. All-something State Park. Pulled in, peed and slept.

Woke up the next morning and zoomed away to Asbury Park. Asbury is changing everyday now. Condos… really goofy looking condos going up left and right. They’re hoping that rich folks from the city will want to pay city-prices to live in what is often described as “Sarajevo by the Sea.” It looks like a bomb hit it.

Sure, it’s better now than it was, but that’s not saying a whole lot.

The Casino is all chainlink fenced up. And there’s security cameras everywhere. Maybe they’re afraid that Bin Laden will want to squat in one of the old dressing rooms above the stage. Lame. But I’m very happy I was able to get into it twice. Lucky me.

We walked around Asbury, finding a great old movie theater that’s up and running again. They’re playing the silent version of Phantom of the Opera with LIVE ORGAN ACCOMPANIMENT next weekend. And then Rocky Horror. Tempting, no? YES!

Asbury farewell and more interstate.

I hate interstates. A lot. And this trip, due to time restrictions, was all interstates. Next time, it’ll be different, I promise.

We had one last stop to make before dropping Ashley back home in Lancaster. That was Ikea. I won’t bore you with the details of the Ikea run. Just some shelves for the bookstore and some fun time walking around.

I dropped off Ashley and went solo for the ride home. It’s always weird weird weird to drive alone after traveling with someone for a couple of days. You don’t want to do anything but just get home. You don’t want to see anything because it wouldn’t be an experience you could share. Weird, huh?

On the way home, about 15 miles away from stopping, my driver’s side rear tire started making some nasty noises. They were suspiciously like the noises that once came to the front passenger side tire not long before it gave up the ghost.

I took it easy for the remaining and now the poor little Rocinante of a bus sits outside my house longing for two pairs of new shoes.

And my day at work today will at least partially consist of finding new shoes for her.

And watching that Gwar video that Netflix so kindly delivered while I was gone.

And hopefully selling a book or two.

Thanks for reading!

Here are the pics…